Figuring it Out, When It’s Too Late.  

By: Alan Sharpe

Background: I was a sophomore playing for the Varsity Soccer Team. There were five of us sophomores, eleven juniors, and five seniors. Four of the seniors were a major core of the team providing the rest of us a solid substratum to work from. We had John in goal, Steve and Chris in the middle of the field, and Conor up front playing as a forward. The protagonist of the following story and the one I would like to embellish upon here is our goalie John. John, standing at about 6'3” started on varsity as a freshman and had pretty much been breaking records ever since. Fantastic in the air and quick on his feet he made for an ideal goalie. Not only that, but he was a decent leader, tough as hell, and overall a genuinely nice kid (at least he always helped me out when I needed him). However, the seniors were known for having some problems with the whole drinking/drugs bit (I’m sure you can see where this is going but there's more), but our Coach was aware.

Story: I have given everything I to this season even if sometimes I got a little down over our punishments, “Man, I know we have to do them but these complex laps blow, ” I thought to myself as we rounded a fence that I have already gotten a close look at four separate times. All we had been doing for the past half an hour was running complex laps for screwing up a drill earlier in practice. It seemed unnecessarily monotonous, we have been running for so long and at the same pace that I knew exactly what the bottoms of Chris's and John's cleats looked like, at least I was getting something out of it ha ha. It was in the middle of that pointless realization I heard Chris say, “Yo John you been doing good man,” and John responded quickly as if to end the conversation “I know I know.” I just figured that he was talking about the run, usually soccer goalies take crap from the rest of team because of their lack of endurance, but that was not the case with John, so I shrugged off the comment and continued the run.

As about another week or so passed, and we progressed promisingly through the season, we approached our Section rivals, with about three weeks left to go in the season. We had been training hard all year but there are just certain games you want/need to win so bad and this was one of those games. We were all focused on the practices preceding the game/battle, which despite what coaches may wish to believe doesn't actually happen that often with high schoolers. Two days before the game John missed practice and no one mentioned an excuse, I just figured he was sick because nothing else could keep him away from the field. “Could it?” I wondered out loud.

“Bring it in boys!” yelled Coach “I've got something to tell you guys and I've been debating on the time and place to do it, and since my end conclusion is always a dilemma I've opted for right now. Boy's” he said almost shamefully, “and some of you know, but for the majority of you let me say that John, will not be with the us the remainder of the season, and we will be pulling up a replacement from the jv squad.” “What?!!!” “That's bull” “Are you serious?!” comments from everywhere erupted, but Coach continued through them, “Two days ago John was charged with possession of marijuana, and had a six pack of,” I honestly believed that for the first time in front of a team Coach began to tear up, “beer in his car when he was pulled over for going through a st……” The sentence ended only because the lump in coach's throat cut it short. “Damn it! He had been doing so good,” Chris mumbled angrily right behind me.

Coach held us five sophomores back and waited until everyone had left. He looked straight in our eyes with a look unrivaled in sincerity, and said, “You five will have something special in a couple years, you will be the leaders of a team with potential unlike many others, but you can toss it all away just like that. Remember this feeling and remember you will dictate how this team runs in just two years. It's your choice, and my god I wish I could make it for you.” That moment is something that has never left me. For, in that moment, I had placed the team and friendship higher than alcohol and drugs (not necessarily an easy thing to do in high school).

The shock wore gradually, but painfully. Because Coach had been watching me play, along with the other five sophomores, and he hoped to build a championship team around us we had a certain trust. That night I got a call from Coach, “Hey Alan how are you bud.”

“Well I'm doin alright” I said out of habit.

“Well I supposed the reason for my call is that I just wanted to apologize,”

“For what coach, you didn't do anything wrong.”

“Well technically your right but I knew that from the time John was sophomore he had had some trouble with drugs and alcohol and I swore to him and to myself that it would be taken care of. Chris was in on it too, and John had made it almost the whole season, but I suppose he just couldn't do it.” Now I realized that the comment made by Chris while we were running was indeed reinforcement, but of significantly greater meaning than I first comprehended.

So the day of the game came, and during our huddle in warm ups a few choice words of inspiration took place. “Let's play for John today. Let's do this for John,” we all agreed, we took the field and played. We played hard, but not hard enough, we lost 3-1. Throughout the game all of us threw hopeless glances at the one man who could have been helping us win the game sit in tears on the sidelines (Any competitor knows that sitting on the sidelines during a big game is one of the worst feelings you can have). After the game, nearly half the team was just about in tears as we all said a few things to our former goal keeper. I said a few things I can't remember, but afterwards I began to manipulate the idea that we did in fact play for John that day. We had played for him and lost as he had played for us and lost.

Reaction: How did I feel? Well hmmmm… Yeah I definitely felt bad for John, it being his senior year and all, but there was more to it than that. Being a sophomore I looked up at the senior leaders on the team as pretty much infallible, which was my first mistake, and I personally had given so much to that season. As a sophomore it was a privilege to play on the varsity team, and being younger always makes you want to prove yourself. I think more than anything, to be completely honest, I was pissed off. I was upset over the fact that someone who I had held on a pedestal could make such a poor, conscious decision. Actually no, its more than that; the fact that someone who added a sense of wholeness to something synergistic (the team) believed that the ephemeral and deceitful pleasures of drugs and alcohol were of greater value than those who he had helped, bled for, sweated with, and woke up way to god damn early for was something I really just couldn't accept. And no, drinking really doesn't bother me. Sit down, have a beer. Sure. I don't know if I can say that, but anyway, it’s when good kids become blind to the value they bring to their team and they decide to toss it away for a “good time.” I wish my teammates would have been strong enough to hold the value of the team and themselves above whatever value they give to alcohol and drugs.